THE PROCRAFTINATOR AND THE FLU RECOVERY CHECKLIST
By: Audrey Lintner
‘Tis the season to be sickly! The flu is going around, dropping people in its wake like trees behind Paul Bunyan. There are numerous sites devoted to self-diagnosis of the flu, most of which boil down to the following:
Are you sniffly and miserable? You have a cold. Are you fairly certain that you've been run over by a truck? You have the flu.
While the general consensus of flu sufferers is that they are never going to get better, and that being knocked out by a large mallet sounds like a vast improvement, there is hope. You will recover at some point, and there are clues to show you that good health is on the way.
1. You look like an extra on the set of Zombie Apocalypse, rather than the lead.
2. Every word out of your spouse’s mouth no longer seems designed solely to irritate you.
3. The sound of your child’s footsteps no longer reminds you of the approach of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
4. You not only need a shower, you are willing to make the effort.
5. Pulling on a shirt doesn’t require three rest breaks.
6. The thought of brushing your hair doesn't inspire a crying jag.
7. The reek of your sickbed chases you from the room.
8. The shifts between boiling and freezing begin to take longer than two minutes.
9. Sitting up no longer turns the entire house into a Tilt-A-Whirl.
10. You feel well enough to brave a cup of coffee, and it takes you fewer than three sips to discover that you added orange juice instead of cream.
If you answer ‘yes’ to most of these, you’re probably getting better. If the answer is ‘urgh’, stay in bed; you've still got a ways to go.